On the subject of marriages
My good old school friends came round on Sunday. We are very special, we don’t hear anything from each other for months but when we get together, we are friends again. I think it is only possible with school friends as they tend to know each other very well.
We are slightly different from the usual gang. Instead of drinking vodka, homemade wine or cognac, we drink peach juice. For those who hasn’t yet tried peach juice, it is gorgeous. Because I am a lousy cook, I normally get frozen pelmeni and boil them (I cooked those for Christmas party. Dave, Liam, Shell and Alfie were there). Pelmeni are made of minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough. It is the only dish I miss terribly after becoming a vegeterian, I get potato filling instead of meat. Anyways, we started talking about marriages.
Natik said that she used to think marriage was a huge thing but then she realised it is no more then a social party and a stamp in the passport. After getting married couples have to live and cope with each other in the same way they did before the ceremony therefore marriage doesn’t change anything in the way lovers treat each other. I agree with her and I believe many girls think similarly. But then she said that psychologically it is a very big thing for men. When a guy is going out with a girl, he tends to think he has more freedom and is aloud to do certain things he wouldn’t consider doing if he was married. A guy needs to prepare himself psychologically and in whatever other way before he is ready to propose. That is why men are scared of marriages. What do you think about it? Is marriage really a huge step forward in relationships? Do men and women treat it differently? Discuss.
posted by :-> @ 10:37 AM
4 Comments:
If you get married the advantages are.....
1. You only have to spend half the money on presents for people.
2. Tax breaks
3. Women find you instantly more attractive
4. Loads of presents all in one day
5. Using the phrase "The mrs"
6. Having kids
Disadvantages
1. Having kids (clown's pocket etc)
2. People buy you 'joint-presents'
3. Lack of penis-freedom
4. Anniversaries
5. Divorce (should it come to that)
6. Being invited to 'double-date' (although this can happen out of wedlock, its so much worse in)
Thats 6-6. I'm being kind. Its more like 10-1000. No point in marriage. None whatsoever. Its just an outdated tradition. Like christmas and religion in general. Pointless. If you love someone and they love you, you don't break up for no apparent reason. You stay together. And if you do break up then that's it. No messy divorce etc. And anyone who has kids without being 100% sure they're gonna be together forever doesn't get any of my sympathy.
So girls, I am available for long-term relationships, including living together and children. But if you want the white dress and a ring then you're pissing up the wrong tree.
Love xx
Speaking from experience, Marriage IS a huge step forward.
The actual ceremony can be considered nothing more than a grand party and it's true that life changes very little for a couple before and after and in this case it could be argued that it's lost it's meaning and become a formal thing, helping with visas etc and little else.
However the psychological aspect cannot be ignored and I find it completely unfair to suggest that it only effects men. In the months, weeks, days or even hours before a wedding (it hits different people at different times), marriage suddenly hits home that you are declaring that you will try your utmost to stay with this person for the rest of your life. If your taking it seriously, that fact can hit home hard.
For me I had no doubts. For my wife, the first time round, she cancelled last minute (so to suggest it only effects the guys is unfounded). Marriage is often a make or break momment for the relationship. For us, we came out of it stronger than ever and I truely believe we'll remain together. I know of others who found the doubts too great and have spilt. Had marriage never been suggested they may have stayed together much longer, but if the doubts are there they would slowly eat away at them until it ended even worse later down the line.
Marriage can therefore be considered as a test of fire for a relationship, and I always believe if a relationship isn't going to work it's best to know sooner rather than later.
Of cause, alot of relationships make it past the test, get married and still end badly. Studying statistics all i can say is that no test is 100%, but it's better to base your results on some kind of test anyway. Unfortunately the test is being diluted because alot of people don't take it seriously enough any more and divorce has become a kind of get out of jail free card. Which is a shame.
As to the comments on kids, I don't see that a divorce is any more upsetting for a child that a split were no wedding is involved. In fact, under any circumstances i don't see how a divorce is greatly different from the end of a very long term relationship in which you have been together as if married.
In fact most of what Bobby said doesn't really mean much to me. A marriage is either pointless or better, depending on your view, but I don't see how you can argue that it makes things worst and to say your willing to spend your life together and have children, but the suggestion of marriage would cause you to run a mile seems odd.
Suppose marriage has had to change with the way we live. In the past if you married someone it would probably be the first time you lived with someone else and it was a big deal. Also divorce was much less common, when you married it was for life. So i suppose in ye old days getting married was seen as a much bigger step than it is now.
However now, people live with partners all the time and living with a partner is not really any different than a marriage. So for anyone who is happy with living with their partner marriage is not really a big step. Whereas a man/ woman who is living with their partner until someone better comes along marriage may not be perfect.
I think with men, especially when they're not ready to settle down, the idea of a permanent commitment like marriage can be scary and claustrophobic. The idea of spending the rest of their lives with someone who they might not love is not a happy thought.
Surprisingly some people say that women are the ones who are more likely to say they want to divorce. Perhaps the fact that men are more scared or at least wary of marriage and women are becoming more flippant about it suggests that men deep down do respect marriage and women do not. Although alternatively it might just be the stories you hear about wives recieving millions in divorce compensation that make men more wary of getting married
Thank you guys for leaving your comments. I am going to my old schoolfriend's wedding on the 6th of October! I am so excited! Havent been on the wedding party for like more than 10 years now. I am going to dance all night long.
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