Family
I hope that when I read this post again in a few weeks time, I will feel differently. Leaving with a family is soooo hard! The fact that I left my family and lived on my own for like 6 years doesnt help. I thought I could catch up with what I have missed throughout the years but this "happy family" doesnt seem to exist. Some American films show this beautiful wifes in the clean house pouring orange juice to their precious kids and giving a loving kiss to their husbands. Am I trying to idealise everything? Why cant things be this way - happy, full of love, calm.....
My parents have problems as any couples do. They have problems communicating and understanding each other. Me being me got in the middle of their arguments trying to solve them psychologically. I try to make them understand where each of them is coming from. I was trying to remain calm but ended up shivering and nearly falling ill. Then it goes that my parents have huge problems with my brother. These are more like financial disputes and their complete inability in understanding his artistic nature. And this all ends with them having problems with me. My mum wants me to dress up like a pretty little young lady ("hey, you just came back from England and must look superb"). This is hard to do when she is the one buying me all the clothes and then she shouts at me for looking like a mess. It is hard to look after your clothes when it is all divided between Liverpool, a flat in Chisinau and their place in Tiraspoli plus I am admitting that I am not the one who really cares about my looks. And my parents completely dont understand how can I be a vegetarian. I find small pieces of meat in all dishes but I am not going to argue cause their side is that they like meat and refuse to cook for me separately. What keeps me going is that I look at it as on some kind of challenge. This will show me if I have balls to be a psychologist or a councellor. If I can solve my own problems and problems in my family, I can then help anyone else.
Anyways, let me know what you think about "happy family". Is it possible? I think it is doable when partners care and love each other, treat every day as a celebration in a way, dont forget to talk about their feelings and emotions and have a tremendous amount of patience for each other. And as for kids, I think babies should be left free to develop their own individual sides. The more parents bossy their babies, the more they want to act opposite and push parents away. The more my mum wants me to be what she has never been, the more I look opposite in her eyes.
I am off to Ukraine till the end of the month. I appologise for possible delays in answering emails. All the best!
posted by :-> @ 7:40 AM
5 Comments:
Ok, first it depends on what you mean by a "happy family". If your talking smiles 24/7, perfectly well behaved children, mum who happily cleans all day long dad who works 9 till 5 and comes home with a jolly laugh, then NO it doesn't exist, and if I saw a family like that I would worry about them being mass murderers in their spare time.
People are human, mums, dads children, all human. They get upset, they have bad days and they quite stupidly take it out on the wrong people. That's just to be expected. What films have you been watching anyway? I can't think of one film which shows the perfectly well behaved family which nothing happens to. Even the Flanders kids go nuts if they get some sweets.
As for your individual situation, being a strong independent adult for 6 years makes it incredibly difficult to go back to being a mummy's girl. I don't think I could manage going back to live with my mum and dad. Just something simple like if they said "time for bed" would make me start rattling my cage.
Jumping into your mum and dad's arguements might not go down well. Most parents still see their children as children. How would you feel if you were in the middle of an arguement and a little 5 year came over and said, "Listen, your both misunderstanding each other, let me explain..." ...actually if it was a 5 year old it would probably be pretty cute, but you wouldn't really take them completely seriously would you?
Having said that, I often debate with my parents and they treat me fairly mature so it depends, but even an adult butting in to your private arguement can cause resentment.
"These are more like financial disputes and their complete inability in understanding his artistic nature."
-not sure exactly what that means. If he's an artistic bum like our Pea and your parents want him to get a job, kinda agree with your parents. Sorry.
The clothes issue seems kinda petty and the problem with being a vegetarian I assume comes from the background? Are there not many veggies back home?
Finally, "I think babies should be left free to develop their own individual sides." Babies? No. Babies need constant guidance, in my opinion, Mac? The problem is you haven't been a baby for 15 years, your an adult just like your mum and dad and I think you all need to accept that if things are going to work.
But don't worry, I'm sure you "have balls to be a psychologist or a councellor." Big, manly balls.
Always makes me laugh when you talk about babies.
"I think babies should be left free to develop their own individual sides." Let me tell you something, babies, children, adults and probably pets develop their own individual sides whether you want them to or not.
Sounds a little insulting to the parents to come out with a statement such as "The more parents bossy their babies, the more they want to act opposite and push parents away." Truth is being a parent is difficult and really all you can do is the best with what you're given. Those 'bossy' parents are just trying to get by. Raising a kid is a mix of wanting to spend as much time as possible, with wanting you own time, with wanting to protect them, with wanting to sit back and see what they're up to, with wanting to teach and impart something of yourself onto them, with wishing they would just sit quietly and leave you alone for a few minutes. Add into that a lifetimes worth of headaches, trying to get by with the rest of your life whilst trying to provide for your child on top of that there is the rest of the world to deal with. Frankly if you manage to come out of all that with your sanity you're probably winning.
I think thats what family is, trying to get by the best you can with what you've got. Forget the perfect housewives they're a myth just enjoy what you have and make the best of it.
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I LEAN! Didn't know you had a blog page. Just been reading it now and all I can say is wow! Loads of info on there, you must spend ages typing it all. Anyways I hope all is well and hope you keep in touch. I'm really busy sorting uni out at the moment but all is well so far. Been feeding the teddies too but they miss you. I told them I'd send em on holiday to Mongolia but they want to play with Mr Fluffy, Gizmo and Lamby in my room :@
Take care (",)
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