I am not a wizzard, i am still learning....

He never really gave me good reasons. He said he has been thinking about it for a while and came to a conclusion that we have to split up. He wants to be single, he thinks he is a better person now and wants to live on his own. He also said that he has never been unfaithful to me but “there is this girl at work that he would like to get to know more”. All I could do was take a top and go to Michelle’s.

From other times that I have tried to talk to him and find out his reasons I have realised that he was finding me too spiritual, too positive, whilst he is quite materialistic and shallow himself. I was too much of a challenge for him. He also said that I was doing everything around the house whilst he was too lazy to lift his finger (couldn’t he get up and help?). I think weed and smoking didn’t really do much good. Whilst I was full of energy doing things, he was getting stoned on a sofa. Weed poisoned his mind and he thought how great his life would be without such an energetic and over positive woman in his house. He probably has also thought that he needs a thicker woman, somebody he could challenge. Also, somebody who shows her body more and sticks her boobs in men’s faces.

I have realised that he doesn’t love me. He admitted it and admitted he couldn’t say it out loud. I had to realise many of his reasons myself as he couldn’t be bothered explaining anything to me. He wanted me out of his life as quick as possible.

I also told him that the highest expression of love is when you love somebody so much that you would even let that person go if its going to make him happier. I said that is how I felt about him. He said that this sounds like a plan.

I always thought that love is when you love somebody wholeheartedly without asking for anything in return. Just have this pure feeling in the heart and realise that it is this feeling that makes me happy. And it is also when you care for somebody else a lot more then you would care for yourself. A mind of cherishing a person you love. I think when two people feel this way, it makes a very solid foundation.

What happened with us is that I was loving him but he started loving himself. It takes two to tango. A relationship cannot go this way. He started caring for himself and his well being more and more and started getting annoyed with little things. He also started getting seduced by other women. And our relationship crashed.

I have substituted my love for him into feeling compassion towards him. I am better and I hold on to the positive side of life, as always. It is sad that he has never spoken to me about his feelings. It is sad that he kept it to himself and made his final decision about our relationship to end without getting me involved. Everyone, please, remember, caring for other people is a beautiful thing. Please, don’t hurt other by being selfish. Care for each other. Love each other. Just be happy, dear friends.